So two days after I won GOAL Eric and I were to be married. I was at home getting ready and decided I needed to pack for the honeymoon. I looked in my suitcase and all these heart shaped confetti pieces were everywhere in my suitcase and it was a mess. I knew my sisters had done it as a prank, but I didn’t appreciate it. I’m different. I just didn’t think it was funny. They wanted it to come off a certain way and I didn’t play my part correctly in their eyes. I am an orderly/organized person and like things a certain way. So I yelled at them. They got mad and stormed out of the house and went to my sister’s house. My mom starts crying and saying “All I have ever wanted is for all three of you to love each other and be close…” So since I am really codependent with my mom, and I want to please her just as I always had I left to go make up with them.

It infuriates me to this day that I couldn’t draw a boundary for myself. Instead I got pulled into what was their drama. I know in my heart they were just concerned about a few things and wanted to make sure I was happy. I love them so much for loving me, but I was to blame for a lot of things too. It was all about me, not them. Why do I tell you all this? Because it has everything to do with drinking…. These are the “isms” of alcoholism that you will hear all through my story. The ism that I was not emotionally strong enough to draw a boundary with my mom or my sisters. So the pain I felt for not standing up for myself — I drank over it. I used alcohol to deaden and numb my pain. We got married at my Baptist church and with my parents being teetotalers there was no alcohol at the reception. I couldn’t wait for that reception to be over so we could high tail it out of there and I could get my hands on a bottle of wine. All because of a lack of emotional growth and the ability to take action on my part. Can anyone relate?