So when I was 19 just before I started school to become a professional photographer, my sister and brother-in-law invited me to go to the Virgin Islands with them on vacation. I had never been so excited in my life. I shared a room with my big sister growing up and loved her to pieces. I kind of looked up to her. It was a really fun trip, and I was so appreciative to have been asked to go. One night while we were eating at the Chart House restaurant my sister asked me if I would like a glass of wine. I was unsure, and didn’t think it through and in my anxiousness said yes real quick. Let me make one thing very clear – I do not blame my sister for my alcoholism or for asking me if I wanted my first drink. This has nothing to do with her. It was my choice and I could just as easily said no. I was kind of excited about it once I said yes. I thought a new adventure in life. I am about to start photography school and wanted to be a photographer so bad. I’m enjoying myself in the islands with my big sis who I looked up to and I’m having a drink. Life was good. So how did I feel after that first drink…. Here we go……

The anxiousness that I always felt quickly left my body. I had never felt so relaxed in all my life. I felt like I was on a commercial for the love boat. I was such a worry wart, but at this moment I didn’t have a care in the world. I was actually laughing, having fun, and enjoying myself for maybe the first time in my life. So this was it. This was the secret to life. This is what everybody knew and was not telling me about. I got angry for a minute, but then quickly forgave them. Thank God I found out about it. I slept great and felt a renewed energy the next morning. This was the secret to life!! I thought I could conquer the world!! And I did for a while. As drinking continued once I came home from the Virgin Islands I began to relate to it as a social status thing. I felt guilty. I felt dirty. I was scared to death my mom and dad might find out and then what would happen? I’d never been so scared in my life. I did bring a bottle of rum home since things were duty free.  Where in the hell was I going to hide that? So the scheming had already began and I’d only had one drink. The scheming was not fun, because you had to be sure you didn’t have too much on your breath when you got home, and that you hadn’t had too many, although I was not drinking heavily at all at this stage. I was more in the 2 drink guilty stage. Can anyone relate? So at least 3 times a week I would have drinks with my friends. I couldn’t believe it even while I was doing it, because I felt I was letting my mother down. I had made a commitment to not drink since I had been taught it was a sin. I had the biggest confusion over what the Bible said about drinking. It drove me crazy because I was trying to justify it so much. I struggled for the longest time over the Bible issue. Jesus turned water into wine so he must think its ok to drink? Then another part says, “don’t be drunk with wine”. So do I relate to the drunk part or the wine part? What is the right answer? Can anyone relate? This debate went on in my head for YEARS, and I continued to drink…..because it would numb my guilt of knowing the real answer to the question. Would this keep me from going to heaven?

…..