I drank for the next 15 years. It did not matter where I was or who I was with. I drank when I was driving every day of my life. In my early years of drinking I carried a couple of beers from the house with me to drink in the car. As time went on I would start stopping at the gas station to buy another one during the day. I worked for a while with the Adult Technical and Vocational Department of Education and a photographer and videographer. It involved travel and a girl I met at the job became my drinking buddy. The ice chest always had to fit in the car among all the camera equipment. As time went on I left there to go back to my photography studio, and I continued to drink as I traveled there as well. I would often drink on my way to location shoots. It always calmed my nerves. I never knew people could smell alcohol on you until I quit drinking. Now I can smell it within a mile away. I can’t imagine what my customers thought. For many years I packed a cooler full of beer and put it behind the driver’s seat to have available. It is a true miracle that I never got caught with a DUI, and even more of a miracle that I never killed anyone.

I went to lots of conventions, seminars, classes, etc. with lots of professional photography associations yearly. Alcohol was always available, and boy did I partake. I remember drinking and my thought process was I better hurry and drink this one so I can get another one before they run out. What kind of logical thought is that?? I was chugging beers like crazy! Because I thought they might run out and I wanted as many as I could get my hands on. Makes lots of sense to an alcoholic. The not so fun part of being an alcoholic is not knowing how stupid you are acting (probably because you’re in a blackout) and everyone around you is laughing like crazy at you. Your actions, the things your saying, etc. The next morning when you hear about it you feel sick you your stomach. This happened countless times in many conventions I attended. Alcohol can make you feel very confident sometimes, and when it wears off you feel extremely depressed – at least that was my experience. This is where I began to notice symptoms of manic highs for days, and so-so lows of suicidal depression for weeks. It wasn’t until long after I was sober that I was diagnosed with bipolar syndrome. More on that later.

Photography is a passion of mine. I sold the most girl scout cookies when I was 11 because the winner would win a camera. I won it! I have loved recording memories ever since. It made me feel so good when I was photographing that obviously drinking would have to be a part of it. I drank in happy times and sad times. I have shot many weddings where I drank at least a 6 pack before the wedding. Again, those anxious nerves needed calmed down. And the reception always had alcohol available. I didn’t go overboard there, but I would have a drink or two. I’d just wait until it was over and enjoy my 6 pack in the cooler (in the car) on my way home.